Telemarketers .... and how to have fun with them.
So last night a get a call. A Toronto-area phone prefix, so I pick up.
On the other end is a man with a VERY VERY VERY heavy East Indian accent.
"Hello, may I please speak to Mrs.... Barduhwill."
"Mrs Barduhwill, my name is Michael...."
Of COURSE it is.
"Did you know that Telus is offering FREE CELLPHONES, Mrs Barduhwill?"
Now, before i go any further, please note that I am ALWAYS polite to telemarketers. I have done a lot of cold calling in my time and still do, so I never get nasty. It's a tough job.
That being said, I am SO not buying this man's name is 'Michael' and I don't want a free cell phone. I hate the damn things, technologicall shackles that they are. Even if I didn't hate them, I sold electronics for a living, so I KNOW the actual physical cell phones are dirt cheap. Built in ob celle essense and all that.
It's the phone plans that will REALLY cost you.
Anyway.... back to "Michael"
"I'm sorry, I don't like cell phones, Michael. I don't want one. But thanks anyway."
There is a pause and 'Michael' sounds personally affronted and rather hurt.
"How can you not like cellphones? This is the modern world, Mrs. Barduhwill! Everybody needs a cell phone."
"I don't need one. Seriously, dude. I just don't like them."
Micheal, now clearly desperate, tries man-logic. "But what if you have an emergency? Then you will need a cell phone."
I can sense his thoughts. I have her there. How can Mrs Barduhwill wiggle her way out of THAT argument!?
Poor bastard. He thinks he can bamboozle me with common sense? Ha! I'll show him. Logic has no place in telemarketing.
I am WOMAN!
Hear me counterargue using complete and utter bottle-blonde induced bullshit!
"I don't have emergencies. Michael."
Another long, long, long pause... this one fairly DRIPPING with complete disbelief.
Obviously, he didn't see that angle coming! He abandons the trusty telemarketers tip book, (which I am sure Telus has provided him - chock full of useful counter arguments) and just wings it now.
"NOT have emergencies? How can you not have emergencies, Mrs Barduhwill!? Everyone has emergencies!"
Clearly this man is young and has little experience debating with older woman.
Telus is so screwed.
"Well, so far so good," I trill cheerfully. By now the whole exchange is so absurd "Micheal" and I are both giggling like little kids.
Ah well, 24 seconds have now passed. It's time to let Michael go now. I try to let him down easy.
"Thank you for the offer, Michael, but really, I'm not interested. You have a great night."
'Michael' is still in the midst of a giggle fit and only just manages to said good bye.
After hanging up my landline, and wiping tears of mirth from my eyes, I wonder what poor 'Michael's' real name is.
I bet I would have liked it.