While composing a rhyme for the celibate
I doctored a soupcon of halibut.
The flesh shimmered like silk
under a blanket of milk
that I dunked it in, just for the hell of it.

Honorary Olive Winner: M.G. Tarquini - For somehow making me hungry and horny at the same time.



There once was a celibate
Who had the itchiest butt,
The doctors tested his colon
Until he confessed he'd stolen
And returned the silk plant to Dana's hut.

Honorary Olive Winner: Dana Tan - For best use of a non-limerick form in a limerick contest.




And the WINNERS ARE
Angie & Andrew (Essentially because they used the word “knickers” and that always makes me giggle like a schoolgirl)

There once was a celibate nun
Who never knew how to have fun
She bought new silk knickers
And smuggled in liquor
And now she's a nun on the run.




Honorable Mention to Lisa S. and Richard Lewis for being delightfully un-PC, abet late to the party entries.
Go buy Richard's book, The Killing Sea.
Now… Angie… SPEECH!!!

Merry Christmas to all and a notice the Golden Martini Award shall be bestowed upon one of the lacivious limerick entries - three entries on time (and one belated and off-topic) tomorrow as promised.

There is one Grand Prize winner and two Honorary Olives to be awarded.

Stay tuned....

There are not many self-published works I recommend but when I do, it's always a graphic novel.

Chiaroscuro by Troy Little is one of them.
Check him out at:

http://meanwhilestudios.blogspot.com/

Where he has a very limited and signed edition of his work available.

He's a real and rare talent.
Buy his stuff.

Merry Christmas, uh-huh uh-huh!

I do believe in Pirates! I do! I do!!

In answer to Corey's question "Why aren't you blogging?" I will only state I am in the middle of a Family medical crisis. Things have been bad, but they are getting better.
So. End of story.

MOVING ON!!
A big HELLO to First Mate Kate, her critters, and her main squeeze, Capt. Calico Jack who will hopefully be joining us from North Carolina. Kate and Jack inspired a short love/crimefic story I had published many years ago in Storyteller magazine called The Spinners and Captain Jack. I haven't heard from dear Kate in literally decades. She tracked me down and we picked up right were we left off.

That hour long phone call was a much needed pick me up. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. And for the record, everything Jack wrote about her in his book (The Adventures of Captain Calico Jack) is a big fat PG-18 lie.

Right.
Get those dirty Limericks in, folks!
CHOP CHOP!
* * * * * * * *

The E.A. Bardawill Dirty Limerick Award Contest
The 2006 WINNER receives the coveted Golden Martini Statuette.


RULES:
1. Only one entry per person.
2. Work must be original.
3. Post your enty in this comment thread.
4. Contest ends Dec. 20th, 2006
5. The Golden Martini is awarded Boxing Day, 2006
6. Upon acceptance of the Golden Martini award, winner must make a melodramatic speech by New Years Day or receive a noogie by the Awards Committee.

The Themes for 2006:
Celibacy.
Silk.
Doctors.

I dutifully apologise for the lack of interesting blogging. I generally make it a policy to avoid depressing and personal entries - unless they have something to do with writing.

SO - in a desperate attempt to amuse myself- and my limited and faithful readers, I am going to hold a contest. First Place shall be given the title of the E.A. Bardawill Dirty Limerick Award of 2006 WINNER and the coveted Golden Martini Statuette.

An you make have guessed, this is a Dirty Limerick Contest.
RULES:
1. Only one entry per person.
2. Work must be original.
3. Post your enty in this comment thread.
4. Contest ends Dec. 20th, 2006
5. The Golden Martini is awarded Boxing Day, 2006
6. Upon acceptance of the Golden Martini award, winner must make a melodramatic speech by New Years Day or receive a noogie by the Awards Committee.

The Themes for 2006?
Celibacy.
Silk.
Doctors.

On your mark, get set....
GO!