PARTYTOGA * PARTYTOGA!!
Bar is open.
Pool is warmed up.
The cabana boys/girls are well oiled and ready to rumble.
The snacks and chocolate are fat-free.
Plenty of clean towels, sunscreen and no mosquitos.
Party on.
Dirty limericks encouraged.
**S P L O O S H !!**
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Why are writers upset with Barbara Bauer?
Go to Miss Snark’s blog for a full report.
If you are a writer, and if you are looking for an agent, first take a long hard look at the list below.
The Worst of the Worst Literary Agencys
* The Abacus Group Literary Agency
* Allred and Allred Literary Agents (refers clients to "book doctor" Victor West of Pacific Literary Services)
* Capital Literary Agency (formerly American Literary Agents of Washington, Inc.)
* Barbara Bauer Literary Agency
* Benedict & Associates (also d/b/a B.A. Literary Agency)
* Sherwood Broome, Inc.
* Desert Rose Literary Agency
* Arthur Fleming Associates
* Finesse Literary Agency (Karen Carr)
* Brock Gannon Literary Agency
* Harris Literary Agency
* The Literary Agency Group, which includes the following:
Children's Literary Agency
Christian Literary Agency
New York Literary Agency
Poets Literary Agency
The Screenplay Agency
Stylus Literary Agency (formerly ST Literary Agency)
Writers Literary & Publishing Services Company (the editing arm of the above-mentioned agencies)
* Martin-McLean Literary Associates
* Mocknick Productions Literary Agency, Inc.
* B.K. Nelson, Inc.
* The Robins Agency (Cris Robins)
* Michele Rooney Literary Agency (also d/b/a Creative Literary Agency and Simply Nonfiction)
* Southeast Literary Agency
* Mark Sullivan Associates
* West Coast Literary Associates (also d/b/a California Literary Services)
Go to Miss Snark’s blog for a full report.
If you are a writer, and if you are looking for an agent, first take a long hard look at the list below.
The Worst of the Worst Literary Agencys
* The Abacus Group Literary Agency
* Allred and Allred Literary Agents (refers clients to "book doctor" Victor West of Pacific Literary Services)
* Capital Literary Agency (formerly American Literary Agents of Washington, Inc.)
* Barbara Bauer Literary Agency
* Benedict & Associates (also d/b/a B.A. Literary Agency)
* Sherwood Broome, Inc.
* Desert Rose Literary Agency
* Arthur Fleming Associates
* Finesse Literary Agency (Karen Carr)
* Brock Gannon Literary Agency
* Harris Literary Agency
* The Literary Agency Group, which includes the following:
Children's Literary Agency
Christian Literary Agency
New York Literary Agency
Poets Literary Agency
The Screenplay Agency
Stylus Literary Agency (formerly ST Literary Agency)
Writers Literary & Publishing Services Company (the editing arm of the above-mentioned agencies)
* Martin-McLean Literary Associates
* Mocknick Productions Literary Agency, Inc.
* B.K. Nelson, Inc.
* The Robins Agency (Cris Robins)
* Michele Rooney Literary Agency (also d/b/a Creative Literary Agency and Simply Nonfiction)
* Southeast Literary Agency
* Mark Sullivan Associates
* West Coast Literary Associates (also d/b/a California Literary Services)
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Guide To Mudderhood.
By B. Spears.
Like, it’s so totally not a good idea to try to hold a toddler with one skinny arm while wearing high heels and holding a drinkie-poo, so always make shure your bodyguard is, like, is around to catch it.
That goes for those high chairs too. I just can’t get the hang of those stupid claspy things.
Um… oh YEH!
Like totally, never, never, ever drive a car while holding a baby in your lap, even if you are fleeing the paparazzi.
Um.
Oh yeah. Like, you have to change diapers more than once or twice a day, so make shure your nannythingie is around to like, y’know, deal with the ick.
There was something else that’s rilly important I have to remember.
Um…
Kevin? KEVIN!?
What did those rubes from Children’s Aid tell us again??
.
.
.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIN!!!
.
.
.
Son of a b-
.
.
.
KEVINFEDERLINE YOUANSWERMERIGHTNOWOR I’LLNEVERPROMOTEYOURSHITRAP AGAIN!
Oh yeh. A calm, loving environizer for the baby, or something.
.
.
um…
Oh pits. Is the kid crying again?
Could someone turn off the intercom thingie?
HELLO!?
HEY! I’m trying to write a parental guide here!
By B. Spears.
Like, it’s so totally not a good idea to try to hold a toddler with one skinny arm while wearing high heels and holding a drinkie-poo, so always make shure your bodyguard is, like, is around to catch it.
That goes for those high chairs too. I just can’t get the hang of those stupid claspy things.
Um… oh YEH!
Like totally, never, never, ever drive a car while holding a baby in your lap, even if you are fleeing the paparazzi.
Um.
Oh yeah. Like, you have to change diapers more than once or twice a day, so make shure your nannythingie is around to like, y’know, deal with the ick.
There was something else that’s rilly important I have to remember.
Um…
Kevin? KEVIN!?
What did those rubes from Children’s Aid tell us again??
.
.
.
KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIN!!!
.
.
.
Son of a b-
.
.
.
KEVINFEDERLINE YOUANSWERMERIGHTNOWOR I’LLNEVERPROMOTEYOURSHITRAP AGAIN!
Oh yeh. A calm, loving environizer for the baby, or something.
.
.
um…
Oh pits. Is the kid crying again?
Could someone turn off the intercom thingie?
HELLO!?
HEY! I’m trying to write a parental guide here!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
But what I really want to do is direct...
My eldest son's current school project is Stop Motion Animation.
I've been having a BLAST building the clay characters, messing around with Adobe Premier and helping him do this 30 second film. What a riot.
It's one thing to write a film or a sketch, but it's MINDBLOWING to see it come to life. I can only imagine how Richard Lewis is going to feel when his book hits the big screen.
And the really neat thing?
You realise how critical the writing is.
No writer.
No magic.
We're potential gods, all of us.
We can creat worlds.
Dictate who lives, who dies and who gets the happy ending.
How cool is that?
My eldest son's current school project is Stop Motion Animation.
I've been having a BLAST building the clay characters, messing around with Adobe Premier and helping him do this 30 second film. What a riot.
It's one thing to write a film or a sketch, but it's MINDBLOWING to see it come to life. I can only imagine how Richard Lewis is going to feel when his book hits the big screen.
And the really neat thing?
You realise how critical the writing is.
No writer.
No magic.
We're potential gods, all of us.
We can creat worlds.
Dictate who lives, who dies and who gets the happy ending.
How cool is that?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Random Rants and Rambles:
Books I Wanna Read (or reread) Wish List:
Fire and Ice (Michael Adams)
The American Backlash (Michael Adams)
The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde) (Read it AGES ago)
The Tipping Point and the sequel to it (Can’t remember author’s name)
The Autobiography Of Alice B. Toklas. (by G. Stein)
(Anything I haven’t already read yet and a few I have) by Margaret Atwood
The novel she wrote in the nut house ( Title?) by Zelda Fitzgerald (Scott’s Wife)
The Catcher in the Rye (I just haven’t gotten around to reading it yet, okay? OKAY???)
The Killing Sea (by Richard Lewis (on order at my book shop))
The rest of those damn books about those bloody depressing orphans by Lemony Snicket.
The Naked and the Dead (by Norman Mailer)
That’s all I can think of right now.
So? Is Alice Cooper a Nice Girl?
As a mother you occasionally suffer ‘Mommy moments’. Those times when you become agonizingly aware your child will never again be a moptopped cherub you can pick up (without irreparably damaging your spine) to cuddle and kiss, the faint scent of baby powder and sun-dried hair filling your nostrils like joy in perfume form.
'Mommy Moments' hit you deep in the heart. At times your heart swells with unrestrained pride that you somehow birthed this independent and brilliant little being. EG: My son taught me to play chess when he was only 9. That night I lay in bed and wept silently in gratitude.
These days my babies are stubbly, hulking brutes doused with Axe, a vile cologne so insidious that my eyes water at the very thought of it, even when applied sparingly.
This same genetically-related eating-machines rarely ask for anything . . . well - except for hundred of dollars worth of food on a monthly basis. So when #1 son announced his desire to see Alice Cooper, I felt my heart fall into a 'Mommy Moment'. The last concert he asked to go see starred Sharon, Lois & Bram and some poor bastard in an Elephant suit.
Alice Cooper.
His very first rock concert.
You never forget your first.
His daddy drove him into town, found a nice scalper, negotiated the ticket price and soon my 6’2” bubba toddled off to see Miss Cooper and Helix all by himself. Miss Cooper apparently doesn’t like Miss Hilton very much and there was some sort of fracas involving coffins and knives on stage.
However, all went well. Ears ringing, #1 son met up with his father after buying (for a mere mortgage payment-sized pittance) the requisite t-shirt as a souvenir.
I know in my head he’s growing up, but at these moments it’s a hard realization for the heart.
The poster of the bikini clad girl? Amusing.
The stray chin hairs? Adorable.
But his first real rock concert? The inevitable ‘Mommy moment’ hit hard.
I can hear the not so distant creak of my rocking chair.
The bitter taste of Geritol in my mouth.
Have young kids? Enjoy ‘em and never apologize for it.
The next thing you know they’ll be asking you - in all seriousness:
“Mom? Do you think girls think I’m ‘Do Me! Hot’ or ‘Let’s Just Be Friends cute’?”
Books I Wanna Read (or reread) Wish List:
Fire and Ice (Michael Adams)
The American Backlash (Michael Adams)
The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde) (Read it AGES ago)
The Tipping Point and the sequel to it (Can’t remember author’s name)
The Autobiography Of Alice B. Toklas. (by G. Stein)
(Anything I haven’t already read yet and a few I have) by Margaret Atwood
The novel she wrote in the nut house ( Title?) by Zelda Fitzgerald (Scott’s Wife)
The Catcher in the Rye (I just haven’t gotten around to reading it yet, okay? OKAY???)
The Killing Sea (by Richard Lewis (on order at my book shop))
The rest of those damn books about those bloody depressing orphans by Lemony Snicket.
The Naked and the Dead (by Norman Mailer)
That’s all I can think of right now.
So? Is Alice Cooper a Nice Girl?
As a mother you occasionally suffer ‘Mommy moments’. Those times when you become agonizingly aware your child will never again be a moptopped cherub you can pick up (without irreparably damaging your spine) to cuddle and kiss, the faint scent of baby powder and sun-dried hair filling your nostrils like joy in perfume form.
'Mommy Moments' hit you deep in the heart. At times your heart swells with unrestrained pride that you somehow birthed this independent and brilliant little being. EG: My son taught me to play chess when he was only 9. That night I lay in bed and wept silently in gratitude.
These days my babies are stubbly, hulking brutes doused with Axe, a vile cologne so insidious that my eyes water at the very thought of it, even when applied sparingly.
This same genetically-related eating-machines rarely ask for anything . . . well - except for hundred of dollars worth of food on a monthly basis. So when #1 son announced his desire to see Alice Cooper, I felt my heart fall into a 'Mommy Moment'. The last concert he asked to go see starred Sharon, Lois & Bram and some poor bastard in an Elephant suit.
Alice Cooper.
His very first rock concert.
You never forget your first.
His daddy drove him into town, found a nice scalper, negotiated the ticket price and soon my 6’2” bubba toddled off to see Miss Cooper and Helix all by himself. Miss Cooper apparently doesn’t like Miss Hilton very much and there was some sort of fracas involving coffins and knives on stage.
However, all went well. Ears ringing, #1 son met up with his father after buying (for a mere mortgage payment-sized pittance) the requisite t-shirt as a souvenir.
I know in my head he’s growing up, but at these moments it’s a hard realization for the heart.
The poster of the bikini clad girl? Amusing.
The stray chin hairs? Adorable.
But his first real rock concert? The inevitable ‘Mommy moment’ hit hard.
I can hear the not so distant creak of my rocking chair.
The bitter taste of Geritol in my mouth.
Have young kids? Enjoy ‘em and never apologize for it.
The next thing you know they’ll be asking you - in all seriousness:
“Mom? Do you think girls think I’m ‘Do Me! Hot’ or ‘Let’s Just Be Friends cute’?”
Friday, May 05, 2006
Hanging Rats and/or Participles
One of the books that occupies the shelf in my bathroom is Stephen King’s On Writing. Part of me thinks that Mr. King would find that complimentary. There are books that merit being digested in small amounts. Sentences that require contemplation, concepts that require less distraction.
The bathroom is one of the few places you can be left alone to think. I strongly suspect this is why philosopher’s tend to lead a bachelor’s life. Hard to ponder those tricky questions about the ultimate meaning of existence if the baby is flinging strained yams while the significant other is asking if you hauled the trash to the curb.
My bathroom reading material tends to either be short and sweet snippets, aka books containing famous quotations, or really deep literary material.
The English Patient was a bathroom read. Each sentence like a tiny, bright pearl in a heavy, looping literary strand. Such is the power of the human mind that one can envision living in a garden in Italy while 'laying a cable' just outside of Ottawa.
I also have a heavy edition of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not vignettes. If you remain uninspired or need a creative boost, a quick glance these quirky stories will no doubt inspire.
One of the books that occupies the shelf in my bathroom is Stephen King’s On Writing. Part of me thinks that Mr. King would find that complimentary. There are books that merit being digested in small amounts. Sentences that require contemplation, concepts that require less distraction.
The bathroom is one of the few places you can be left alone to think. I strongly suspect this is why philosopher’s tend to lead a bachelor’s life. Hard to ponder those tricky questions about the ultimate meaning of existence if the baby is flinging strained yams while the significant other is asking if you hauled the trash to the curb.
My bathroom reading material tends to either be short and sweet snippets, aka books containing famous quotations, or really deep literary material.
The English Patient was a bathroom read. Each sentence like a tiny, bright pearl in a heavy, looping literary strand. Such is the power of the human mind that one can envision living in a garden in Italy while 'laying a cable' just outside of Ottawa.
I also have a heavy edition of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not vignettes. If you remain uninspired or need a creative boost, a quick glance these quirky stories will no doubt inspire.
Monday, May 01, 2006
The 2006 Arthur Ellis Awards nominees are ...
http://www.crimewriterscanada.com/cwc/pages/awards.html
One of the contenders for Best Short Story is Melanie Fogel and I am really delighted to see her doing so well. Her story - Plenty of Time is featured in the anthology, When Boomers Go Bad.(RendezVous)
Best of luck, Melanie!!
Winners are announced June 8, 2006.
Melanie is an editor at StoryTeller Magazine, a great place for Canadian writers to submit. Another shortlisted story is Coleen Steele's "The Knitting Circle", featured in Storyteller's winter 2005 edition.
http://www.storytellermagazine.com
Melanie also offers great advice on QUERYING.
And if you just can't get enough of the SASE bunfight, I recommend this link. She offers a super compromise.
The SASP!! Read more below.
http://www.marionstreetpress.com/Renegadesample.html
Right.
Back to Hell Week!
http://www.crimewriterscanada.com/cwc/pages/awards.html
One of the contenders for Best Short Story is Melanie Fogel and I am really delighted to see her doing so well. Her story - Plenty of Time is featured in the anthology, When Boomers Go Bad.(RendezVous)
Best of luck, Melanie!!
Winners are announced June 8, 2006.
Melanie is an editor at StoryTeller Magazine, a great place for Canadian writers to submit. Another shortlisted story is Coleen Steele's "The Knitting Circle", featured in Storyteller's winter 2005 edition.
http://www.storytellermagazine.com
Melanie also offers great advice on QUERYING.
And if you just can't get enough of the SASE bunfight, I recommend this link. She offers a super compromise.
The SASP!! Read more below.
http://www.marionstreetpress.com/Renegadesample.html
Right.
Back to Hell Week!
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