Advance polls for the Canadian Federal election are fast approaching. I already know whom I’m voting for. The Conservatives. This makes my father, a staunch conservative, very happy.
So will someone please tell me WHY am I having dreams about Jack Layton?
See, Jack is the Leader of the New Democrat Party. And last night, in my twisted dreams, he whispered sweet socialist somethings in my ear.
Dream a Little Dream of Meanderings:
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
**WILDLY NIBBLING MY EAR**
ME:
Oh, Jack! JACK! It will never work.
**SNIFFLES**
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
Aaarh, me beauty. Come on board the good ship NDP.
**GRINS w/ GOLD TEETH(A LADY’S EARRING IS STUCK IN THEM)**
ME:
It’s not that I don’t like you, Jack. Of all the candidates you are the most compelling. The most… forceful! And you are the most… most…
**GUSHES**
MANLY. A true leader, Jack! With true leaderly vision and a sweet little moustache!
Oh…oh…Jack!
**SWOONS**
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
Let me take you a world away from the corrupt regime of the Liberals, me luv! It’ll be a fine life, wild and free as we share the wealth, right the wrongs and order in take out! There’ll be real and proper hospital reform.
**NUZZLES**
You know you want it, lassie. Arrrrrh!
**RESUMES EAR NIBBLING**
ME:
Alas, Jack! My father would never approve. I’ve decided I’ve –
**SNIFFLES**
Oh Jack! I’m going with Commodore Harper.
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
**UPSET**
Harper? HARPER! Why he looks like one o’ them pasty marionettes from Team Canada, World Plebes. Ye canna be serious!
ME:
Alas, it’s true, Jack, but I must. He- he’s… the best match right now.
**SNIFFLES**
I can’t go with you. Not - not this election.
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
**DISAPPOINTED**
Better Harpon than that blustering blaggard Martini, I suppose.
**NIBBLES EAR**
But I’ll wait for ye, me beauty. I swear it upon me manly chest hairs.
ME:
I know, Jack. Oh! If only you were leader of the Conservatives…maybe –maybe then…
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
It’s not a life for me, me beauty. I must stay true to me convictions.
Ye dinna expect me to get all Stronach-like, do ye?
ME:
NO! Never! But perhaps you could arrange an alliance with Commodore Harper?
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
I can’t promise, me lass. At least not until the results of the advance polls.
**LEAPS ON ELECTION BUS**
Fare ye well, me luv!
ME:
Jack! I – I… oh JACK!
**WEEPS INTO LACE HANKY**
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
I know, lass. Ye think I be hotter than a two dollar pistol and ye be right.
Think o’ me sometimes, will ye?
HEAVE HO!!!
**BUS ROARS OFF**
ME:
I will. Oh I WILL! Goodbye, Jack…. My darling…
**WAVES GOODBYE w/ LACE HANKY**
DISCLAIMER:
Personally, I think this is the result of two-week old spinach dip I ate for a late night snack.
So will someone please tell me WHY am I having dreams about Jack Layton?
See, Jack is the Leader of the New Democrat Party. And last night, in my twisted dreams, he whispered sweet socialist somethings in my ear.
Dream a Little Dream of Meanderings:
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
**WILDLY NIBBLING MY EAR**
ME:
Oh, Jack! JACK! It will never work.
**SNIFFLES**
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
Aaarh, me beauty. Come on board the good ship NDP.
**GRINS w/ GOLD TEETH(A LADY’S EARRING IS STUCK IN THEM)**
ME:
It’s not that I don’t like you, Jack. Of all the candidates you are the most compelling. The most… forceful! And you are the most… most…
**GUSHES**
MANLY. A true leader, Jack! With true leaderly vision and a sweet little moustache!
Oh…oh…Jack!
**SWOONS**
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
Let me take you a world away from the corrupt regime of the Liberals, me luv! It’ll be a fine life, wild and free as we share the wealth, right the wrongs and order in take out! There’ll be real and proper hospital reform.
**NUZZLES**
You know you want it, lassie. Arrrrrh!
**RESUMES EAR NIBBLING**
ME:
Alas, Jack! My father would never approve. I’ve decided I’ve –
**SNIFFLES**
Oh Jack! I’m going with Commodore Harper.
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
**UPSET**
Harper? HARPER! Why he looks like one o’ them pasty marionettes from Team Canada, World Plebes. Ye canna be serious!
ME:
Alas, it’s true, Jack, but I must. He- he’s… the best match right now.
**SNIFFLES**
I can’t go with you. Not - not this election.
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
**DISAPPOINTED**
Better Harpon than that blustering blaggard Martini, I suppose.
**NIBBLES EAR**
But I’ll wait for ye, me beauty. I swear it upon me manly chest hairs.
ME:
I know, Jack. Oh! If only you were leader of the Conservatives…maybe –maybe then…
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
It’s not a life for me, me beauty. I must stay true to me convictions.
Ye dinna expect me to get all Stronach-like, do ye?
ME:
NO! Never! But perhaps you could arrange an alliance with Commodore Harper?
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
I can’t promise, me lass. At least not until the results of the advance polls.
**LEAPS ON ELECTION BUS**
Fare ye well, me luv!
ME:
Jack! I – I… oh JACK!
**WEEPS INTO LACE HANKY**
CAPT. JACK LAYTON:
I know, lass. Ye think I be hotter than a two dollar pistol and ye be right.
Think o’ me sometimes, will ye?
HEAVE HO!!!
**BUS ROARS OFF**
ME:
I will. Oh I WILL! Goodbye, Jack…. My darling…
**WAVES GOODBYE w/ LACE HANKY**
DISCLAIMER:
Personally, I think this is the result of two-week old spinach dip I ate for a late night snack.
5 comments:
Nah...it just sounds like a horn-dog physical attraction to me! Let it go! Physical beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone!
"Personally, I think this is the result of two-week old spinach dip I ate for a late night snack."
No, I think it's a result of watching Pirates of the Carribbean, drinking gin AND dipping your chips in that 2-week old spinach dip.
I am NOT a horn dog.
**Uses foot to scratch behind erar**
You HAVE to include translation for the Canadian Impaired.
Conservatives = American Liberals
Liberals = American Conservatives
Rick Mercer = pretty much explains all this to those of us going, 'huh?'
Parlimentary system = elections on demand?
Okay.
Minority governements are a drag- cuz all the OTHER guys can form a majority and gang up on the minority guy.
Basically, Stephen, Jack and Gilles all cornered Paul in the schoolyard and gave him a wedgie.
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