Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Bundy batshit continues

Our ACE reporter/Guest blogger, Mrs. Dear
Continues with PART THREE of the Saga of Silliness that is

#OregonStandoff

Find Part two here

Strange things are happening at the Bundy compound as we reach into the third week of Patriot occupation.  Over the weekend various sub-Patriots drove up with supplies, not just snacks but sides of beef and beer as well.  With their swollen numbers the boys decided to get bolshy and climbed up a utility pole to take out what they figured were Gub'mint spy cameras.  They showed the cameras off to the milling crowds of reporters declaiming that this was just the sort of sneaky and underhanded thing the Obama does to keep honest God-fearing "Muricans (White only) under control.  Locals did a side eye.  As far as they knew the cameras had been there for years and were used to remote check a nearby electrical switching station.

Self-proclaimed US Superior Court Judge Bruce Doucette arrived with plans to set up Citizens' Grand Juries of 25 good and true Americans to try the local sheriff, judge, and anyone else they could think of--possibly that cute blonde--with being traitors to the Sovereign States of America.  This is a self-propelled movement that believes that "We the People" in the Preamble to the US Constitution refers to them specifically and not just anyone who happens to holds a US passport.  Sovereign Nation groups tend to be highly friable on account of differences of opinion as to specifically "who" is "we."  This was evidently all in the FBI's plan as there was an unexpected thinning of the ranks of whom would be eligible to sit on the Grand Jury and the Patriots started asking local sympathizers for help.

Perhaps in retaliation, the local sheriff arrested one of the Patriots for unauthorized use of a government vehicle in the parking lot of the only grocery store for thirty miles.  The Patriot in question turned out to have multiple outstanding warrants for a separate occupation of federal land in Colorado so that was a cinch.  In any case two government vehicles were repossessed, the other driver had disappeared into the grocery store by the time the sheriff arrived so there was no legal case.

Meanwhile, excited by positive noises from the Trump Presidential campaign, Fluffy Unicorn leapt into his truck and headed off vaguely Eastwards to gather more true believers.  Apparently he went from one Patriot radio station to another talking up the fun and patriotism to be had in Oregon until he was arrested in Maricopa County Arizona on many outstanding warrants.  The tear-wiping irony of this is best explained by noting that the long serving sheriff of Maricopa County is Joe Arpaio, famously bigoted sadist who arrested Hispanic men women and children on the off chance that they might be illegal aliens then housed them in tents off in the desert where he fed them sandwiches. He is currently fighting in federal court for such activities plus the usual stuff--contempt of court, suborning perjury, attempted destruction of evidence, setting private investigators on the Judge and his wife, bribery, embezzlement (money saved with sandwiches allegedly went into the sheriff's pocket).  

Your Ace reporter,
Mrs. Dear

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Part two of HISTORY SNITS with Pauline

The Oregon Stand Off Continues.
@NeilOilverFans own US based correspondent Pauline Dear explains.

Part ONE is here

Part TWO:  History in the Snacking

Day 10 at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge and Tarpman has decided that his wife and 11 children will just have to deal with those pesky cows without him.  This seems reasonable.  A wife and 11 children sounds like high decibel working conditions, whereas the sough of the wind and the drift of the snow at the Bundy installation are soothing; even patrolling the icy perimeter on the lookout for enemy intrusions creates a hearty appetite for snacks.  No news yet as to whether the shampoo or the vanilla flavored coffee creamer have arrived.

This afternoon the great Patriot Ammon Bundy gathered his men, some reporters, and revved up a federally owned front loader for drive down the only road where he shortly stopped and began ripping out the barbed wire fence with his bare hands---and heavy duty wire clippers. This was a shock horrormoment for the internet not because tearing down a neighbor's fence is a mortalsin in the High Country but because he was not wearing gloves.  A passionate argument followed about the importance of heavy gloves in the winter, indeed the importance of heavy gloves whenever dealing with barbed wire,  But hottest discussion  was how many men should it take to put up or take down a barbed wire fence without fatal loss of blood.  Surprisingly the answer is one but he has to work slowly and carefully. After bloodlessly removing some 20m of fence to make his point Bundy reiterated the the land should be free and not locked away just because some stupid axolotl (whatever that is) was down to its last 43 mating pairs.  There was general self congratulations at that point, "Gub'mint!"  "Tyraney!"(sic) "Freedom!" "Treehuggers!" "Snacks!"  

It was all in good fun but soon a note of concern.  Data theft was not really a crime that they could wrap their heads around but cutting fences was a whole 'nother thing.  The reporters were all squinted at in suspicion of being an imbedded Fed.  Meanwhile a handful of cheerful unarmed FBI agents with binoculars were keeping a watchful eye on three patriots struggling up the rotting stairway of a fire lookout station way above the lake just in case the idiots needed to be rescued.

In a burst of confidence the locals decided that their children would be safe in at school some couple dozen miles away from the battle scene.  The county judge proclaimed to whomever would listen that these Patriots did not amount to the Second Coming of the Lord and The Feds were very good about paying for firefighters during the annual record-breaking fire season.

After all the rip roaring fun with barbed wire yesterday the noble Patriot band was feeling a little down today.  When they went down to pick up their mail from the US Postal Service they were thrilled at the massive pile of boxes waiting for them.  French Vanilla coffee creamer at last!  But Lo!  When they opened the boxes they found dildos, condoms, lubricants,gay porn, and bags of glitter, Jon Ritzheimer, ex-marine living ondisability and his wife's full time job, father of two beautiful girls, defenderof the constitution, anti-muslim activist, and internet fixture,expressed his sadness that there was too much hate in the world that peoplewould spend $17.90 sending a do-it-yourself disco ball to dedicated patriotsstruggling to preserve the moral fiber of 'Murica.  WTF!  $17.90 could buy a lot of snacks.  This is not helping the cause.  He angrily swooshed the boxes to the floor and hoped that 'Murica would acknowledge the sacrifice that was being made on its behalf.  Clearly the unvoiced message was that they really needed those snacks and especially those tobacco products (three brands of cigarettes and some chewing tobakky).

But life was about to get grimmer.  At yet another town meeting a fifteen-year-old girl burst into tears explaining that she was afraid to leave the house on account of these large, heavily armed men roaming the streets and getting into everybody's face.  She was tall, blonde, and good looking and gained a lot of sympathetic hugs from right-thinking citizens.  This sentiment was seconded by the one-third of the town's residents who worked at the sanctuary or the Bureau of Land Management and had been forcibly evacuated for their own safety.  Apparently the Patriots had spread the complete personal information of these hapless souls across the internet and things were looking bad for Federal employees in the vicinity.  Last butnot least, the county judge who was definitely holding a grudge announced thatit was costing $70,000 a day in overtime and other expenses to contain theseextremely unwanted visitors.  Total uproar!  Inconspicuously dressedfederal agents in the background whispered that it was closer to $100,000 a dayall in.  Instantly everyone recognized that this was good taxpayer moneyand demanded that the Patriots should pay for their own upkeep.  Bundy observerswere observed at this point to sneak away from the gathering and disappear intothe darkness.

Earlier in the day the Patriots were happy to declare that they were going through sanctuary files for evidence of the Hammonds' (original spark tothis takeover) innocence.  After this unencouraging town hall they were more circumspect.  By evening they called for another town meeting to discuss their eventual withdrawal.  Evidently some of their internet supporters had relayed the information that the county really could charge them for being a nuisance, that publishing information about federal employees could result in serious jail time, damaging federal property ditto, and that snacks were simply out of the question.

Tarpman came out from under his tarp in fury but still remained on guard in the parking lot, enjoying his rocking chair, fully armed.


Your Ace Reporter.

Monday, January 11, 2016

History Snits: A Guide to Understanding Bundy's "Murica and Oregon but not forgotten

Dear in the Headlights:

Snacks and Snits in Summary

Guest Poster Pauline Dear
The following post is a series of letters written by Pauline to the UK/ Aussie @NeilOliverfans twitter feed group in an attempt to explain the uniquely batshit events happening in Oregon.

Our dear Dear sums up the situation as follows.

Letter One:
To all my dear friends confused by a Nevada Patriot Militia occupying a wildlife sanctuary in Oregon you are not alone.  No one understands it but we are all having rolling on floor laughing fits.  The Constitution-loving patriots arrived at an empty birdwatching facility swearing that they would die rather than surrender.  Said birdwatching facility is in the middle of nowhere on a bare hill exposed to wind, snow and sub-freezing temperatures.  They brought guns, bulletproof vests, weightlifting equipment, a couple cases of beer, ramen noodles and canned chicken soup.  This turned out to be not enough.  They then asked sympathizers to send food, winter socks, and snacks via the (government-run) postal service. To protect their identities they called themselves Capt. Moroni, Capt O, and Fluffy Unicorn. One of their members hid under a bright blue tarp.  Another of their members claimed to be a former Marine (still fighting for his country!).  Actual Marines said no.  Member slipped away under cover of darkness.  Another member collected all the monetary donations received and went off on a bender.  He presumably has slipped away under cover of darkness.  The 40 million strong company of birders (ie, birdwatchers) declared that they would hunt these Patriots down with photographic evidence of their tendencies to poach, pollute, and generally destroy protected land. The Paiute Indian tribes, whose land it originally was, declared that they would kick those white asses off of sacred land.  The nearby town seconded the idea and has set up a neighborhood watch to find out who is sending them pizzas (and snacks). A twitter # has started to produce Patriot on Patriot porn #BundyEroticfanFic

Letter Two
Continuing on this irrelevant and confusing topic:  The local sheriff held a town meeting where everyone agreed to the proposition that it was time to throw the idiots out.  Local schools had to be closed because the 'Murica-loving idiots were heavily armed with high powered rifles, Kalashnikovs, and possibly small missiles, perfect for taking out children.  Locals much annoyed at having to arrange daycare for helpless children.  A government-industry consortium which had figured out a clever and profitable way of ridding the lakes of the sanctuary of an invasive species of introduced carp was also greatly annoyed.  The Patriots were not impressed.  When the sheriff showed up and politely asked them to leave they said no on account of they had not received any concessions from the gub'mint.  The sheriff then politely asked them to send the womenfolk and children back home out of cold and danger.  No response. General suspicion was that whatever womenfolk and children had followed their menfolk into the abyss were holed up in local motels.

It might here be noted that this particular wildlife refuge was famous for being one of the first so designated in 1908 by President Theodore Roosevelt, the man who invented the teddy bear.  It is lies along a major flight path of migrating birds that head from the tropics to the tundra every year and is considered environmentally sensitive, crucial, and way important which is why getting rid of those damned carp is so important because the damned carp eat the same things the various waterbirds do.

This is naturally lost on the Patriots who hate them tree-hugging hippieliberals who stupidly insist that carbon dioxide is a bad thing and are not real 'Muricans but communist muslim cunts (I quote here).  

Possibly the most charming yet under-reported aspect of this silliness is that all of the Patriots come from Nevada and are militant Mormons eager to establish a base for patriotic Mormons to defend the Constitution and God.  Although they totally deny it Mormons are notorious for enacting a memorable extermination of the Indian tribes that stood in their way.  Thousands murdered, if I remember correctly.  This is a touchy subject with Mormons.  They don't like to talk about it.

Some have suggested that the situation is fodder for a Coen Brothers film.  My closely held opinion is that nature is imitating art.

It doesn't get better than this.


Letter Three

I can only report the latest news on this fascinating topic.  There is, however, riveting youtube footage provided by a member of the Patriots as he tearfully explains that his love of the Constitution (a copy of which he waves about) has caused him to abandon his wonderful wife and their beautiful girls to fight for 'Murica, giving up his life if necessary, and hoping that they will understand his sacrifice.

Also I must mention a heartfelt Facebook message that a prospective Patriot sent saying that he was eager, nay desperate, to join the heroic band but the gub'mint was making it difficult by refusing his disability payment of $300.  He therefore lacked the gas money to drive off to Oregon to protest the gub'mint destruction of 'Murican liberties. 

I am totally not making this up.


Letter Four:

As the Siege of Malheur begins its second week the Patriots are starting to worry a little about short-term problems.  Tarpman, who was unexpectedly and inexplicably found hiding under a blue tarp in the dark parking area sitting in a rocking chair, well bundled up with blankets, announced  that he needed to get home.  "I got cows that are scattered and lost."  His traitorous decision to head out in search of his directionally challenged cows instead of fighting the Gub'mint could, in theory have been made good by the arrival of a convoy of 18 trucks and SUVs packedwith members of Pacific Patriot Network and lots and lots of guns andammo.  But the Bundy Boys decided that the Pacific PatriotNetwork was trying to shoulder in on their hard earned glory, and anyway the PPN hadbetter cammo vests, warmer socks and much bigger guns.  They also had some sort of statement of PRINCIPLES which confused the Nevada/Mormon group.  They wanted nothing of it. The PPN may well be camping off in the snowy cold somewhere but not at Malheur.

Meanwhile the Bundy Boys' Mama sent out a list of things that were urgently needed by the dedicated Patriots.  I retweeted the full list for those interested in what it takes to start a national insurrection (80 or so items) but most notable in the list were obviously important things such as money, XL and XXL underwear, throw rugs, tampons, warm socks, shampoo, vanilla flavored coffee creamer, hamburgers (with buns, ketchup, and mustard), three different brands of cigarettes, chewing tobacco, and, or course, snacks.

There were rumours that one of the Patriots was seen doing something nasty to a horse in a windswept field, but I don't count on that being verifiable, not at some -10C.

There is now serious evidence of a genuine crime however.  In the bird watching center were a bunch of federally owned computers, none of which can be used except with an employee badge and access code.  Tarpman, before he went off to catch his cows, guided some TV reporters into the computer room where Patriots were working on Gub'mint computers and had printed out all sorts of personal information, and strewn employee badges across the floor.  Armed invasion of a federal building is one thing, but the laws on messing with computers are WAY different especially if you are stupid enough to use any personal information to send threatening emails and phone calls.

Public interest in these goobers is fading fast, though if the story about the horse is true it will burn as bright as a supposed North Korean H-bomb.

Your very own ace reporter,
PD

Letter five:

Outrage!  Your ace reporter has just learned that there was a peaceful confrontation between FBI field agents and some Patriots.  It is believed that the Patriots searched about for the Gub'mint agents with the idea of provoking something or other, possibly trying to explain their position as to why wildlife preserves were a danger to the Constitution.  Feds would have none of it.  Just told them to wrap themselves warmly and be sure to practice gun safety.

This enraged the tweeting public who appear to want a fabulous bloodbath and thousands killed or wounded.  I understand why.  By the time yourmother is sending out requests for supporters to send mayonnaise you have lostall your street cred and need to go home. 

To be continued….



Saturday, August 08, 2015

Life Drawing

After almost 30 years went to a life drawing class again
Wow.

Came away with a sketch I turned into the top piece. Liking the combo of digitizing freehand sketch and tarting them up with Photoshop

Monday, June 08, 2015

Head Space

If we ever learn to create a star on earth, and from that have limitless energy to pursue all possibilities
will the Human Race truly make an effort to go to the Stars?


I hope so.
Ad Astra, my pretties...

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Mad Astra

Play is the BEST teacher.
Dreams are the BEST muse.
Everybody dreams, Old Crow.
Tho not all remember.